Pixie Dust
by missrivets
Summary: Emma goes out one morning to contemplate her losses and how she'll deal with them. First her son, then her true love? How does one continue on after something like that? WARNING: heavy, heavy angst. Character Death/Suicide


**'I was never made to grow up.'**

…

Watching the frost melt away from where she transfered her warmth into the freezing metal of the bridge railing through her fingertips, she found herself amazed by how much change a tiny touch could cause. The revelation was late in coming, she realized as she sighed, her breath forming a small cloud in the darkness. **_'Hindsight being twenty-twenty and all that.'_** The silence of the moment was deafening to her; the ocean seemed to pull all the sound from the air, even though it was too far below to hear the water lapping at the supports for her current perch.

It was early. Too early for even the sun to have peaked across the ocean. A few joggers padded quietly behind her back and mumbled casual greetings, to which the stationary woman couldn't summon the energy to respond. **_'What would be the point anyway?_****'** She shook her head gently, her flaxen bangs falling to easily obscure her stormy eyes. Swiping her hand across the railing in front of her, she cleaned off the bits of frost that her heat hadn't chased away and folded her leather encased arms across the frigid metal. **_'One more sunrise wouldn't hurt.'_** Planting her chin on top of her arms, she relented to her own thoughts.

The shadow in the sky began to lighten slowly, hues of indigo and violet giving way to the rosy lights bleeding into the clouds and streaking across the vast emptiness that seemed to just kiss the ocean at the edge of the world. The beauty of the moment began to split open the void in her chest she'd been desperately trying to fill for months; the hole her son's death had left. It immediately began trying to drag her into it; the betrayal of her love, the miscarriage, the entire town thinking she was crazy for trying to make them realize they were story book characters trapped in this world… She could almost see it clearly as she allowed her lashes to drift down; _ink-like stains spreading their smoky tendrils out from the abyss. Their caress would feel wonderful, erupting sparks under her skin at every place they connected. She would be able to feel them touching her soul, welcoming her into their embrace like a lover that had been away for too long… And she would give in to the siren's song, finally._

Another pair of joggers breezed by, jerking her from her silent reverie, and she knew the suns creeping warmth would draw even more people out. **_'People to see.'_** Untwisting herself from around the railing, she meandered over to the nearest support beam, hoisting herself up onto its surface easily. No one called out to stop her, and her resolve tightened even more around her, effectively stilling the tremors beginning to creep along her hands. Inching her boots around the pillar, she kept a firm grasp on the solid structure at her back; her fear of heights deciding to make an appearance after all. **_'I will not be swayed.'_** She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, pulling her arms back to her sides; her feet and a short span of concrete, the only things standing between herself and sweet release. A short shuffle forwards and her toes dangled over the edge to oblivion.

**_'The last chance to re-think this selfish decision.'_** Everyone would use that word, 'selfish', but she didn't care. She didn't believe in heaven, nor any kind of god. There would be no punishment, no hell, nothing for her. **_'It's just a new adventure?'_**

She knew, even before she'd left the safety and comfort of Mary Margaret's loft to venture to the bridge, her mind had been made up. She couldn't take another day. No more days of being surrounded by people, but feeling so alone. Not another day of Killian smiling at her in the same way he had when he'd loved her in her dream, but clearly seeing the confusion in his ocean eyes when she'd confessed her story and her feelings. None. She couldn't take any more of being the new 'town crazy'.

Another final shake of her head and a swift bend of her knees… **_'Flying.'_** No wings, no brooms, no carpets or pixie dust and happy thoughts needed. She turned as she launched herself into the open air, wanting the sky to be the last thing she saw. Perhaps the move was cowardice, she mused as the wind rushed past and her eyes searched the clouds for some sort of sign that she'd be forgiven for her last decision.

A single puff of cotton drew her eyes, the form of an enormous ship with sails, shaped in its depths, outlined in glittering yellow from the rising sun; slamming a single image before her eyes. **_'A golden pirate ship?'_** Just as the darkness rushed up to consume her, the ghost of a smile tugged at her lips.

**_'Neverland. I'm going to Neverland.'_**


End file.
